(posted on the Bibliophile list)

 "The gene pool could use a little chlorine."

"All generalizations are false."

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep."

"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"

"Friends don't let Friends drive Naked."

"Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"

"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."

"According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."

"Forget about World Peace. . . Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"

"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."

"He who laughs last thinks slowest."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."

"Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."

"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."

"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."

"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."

"3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't."

"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"

"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"

"I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. "

"Auntie Em, Hate you; Hate Kansas; Taking the dog. --Dorothy."

"Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off."

"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."

"I'm out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?"



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