JUST FOR LAUGHS
T-shirt statements:
Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
You! Off my planet!
Therapy is expensive, popping bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
I like cats, too. Let's exchange recipes.
Friendly checkout clerk. Thanks for keeping me that way!
Does your train of thought have a caboose?
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
And just how may I screw you over today?
And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil...
A PBS mind in an MTV world.
Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
Whisper my favorite words: "I'll buy it for you."
Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Suburbia: where they tear out the trees & then name streets after them.
Do they ever shut up on your planet?
I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable.
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
Here I am! Now what are your other two wishes?
Back off! You're standing in my aura.
I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
Adults are just kids who owe money.
One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me.
How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
I have a computer, a vibrator, & pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house?
I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
Macho Law for bids me from admitting I'm wrong.
Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.
A woman's favorite position is CEO.
You look like crap. Is that the style now?
Earth is full. Go home.
Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you touch me?
I refuse to star in your psychodrama.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
How do I set a laser printer to stun?
It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size.
Meandering to a different drummer.
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
Thanks go to Amy's cousin Matt!
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