Absolute Truths from the Movies-


1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York are within the price range of most people, whether they are employed or not.

2. At least one out of every pair of identical twins is born evil.

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut.

4. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

5. If you are blonde and pretty, it's possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at age 22.

6. Radiation causes interesting mutations, not to your future children, but to you, right then and there.

7. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

8. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

9. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will soon be thrown through it.

10. Most dogs are immortal.

11. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

12. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say "Enter password now".

13. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

15. All grocery bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.

16. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

17. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.

18. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

19. Honest and hardworking policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before retirement.

20. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

21. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

22. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone else on the street will know all the steps.

23. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

24. The White House can be seen from any window in D.C.

25. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

26. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their opposite.

27. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.



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